Trauma

The effects of Trauma have no expiration date. They don't go away like the freshness of a cartoon of milk. I experienced that first hand tonight. It's been 4 years since my attack and after my therapy, counseling and even outreach to others I figured it was all good. Actually, I finally resolved to myself that it was safe to move on. Tonight I was out having a really great time with a friend and someone entered the room with a striking resemblance to my attacker. I froze! I panicked! I couldn't breath. Mentally I tried to take cover. What would I do? What could I do if he saw me? And the reality is I couldn't do anything at all...for like 30 seconds!! She spoke to me asking what's wrong...I couldn't form the words initially but my reaction was so severe she knew something was wrong. I'm so thankful for her being by my side, as I don't know that I would have been able to recover so quickly if I had been alone. Her presence...her words...helped to stabilize me...THANK GOD! 

I didn't beat myself up..although I was slightly embarrassed that I didn't have more control over my emotions. I accepted it...regrouped and moved on. 

It is OK!! It's my story...and I'm allowed to simply not be okay sometimes.